Stop Apologizing for Your Nap: Why Audre Lorde’s Take on Self-Care is the Only One That Matters
We live in a world that glorifies the grind. If you aren’t exhausted, over-caffeinated, and answering emails at 11:30 PM, are you even successful? The modern “Hustle Culture” suggests that resting is a sign of weakness and that taking a break is a guilty pleasure reserved for the weak-willed.
But there is a quote that cuts through the noise of toxic productivity like a hot knife through butter. It comes from the legendary writer, civil rights activist, and poet Audre Lorde:
“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation.”
It sounds great on an Instagram tile, but what does it actually mean? Is it permission to eat an entire cake on a Tuesday? (Maybe). Is it an excuse to ghost your boss? (Probably not).
Here is a breakdown of what Lorde really meant, why it matters more now than ever, and why you need to stop feeling guilty about taking care of yourself.
The Myth of “Self-Indulgence”
First, let’s tackle the word “indulgence.” When we hear this word, we think of luxury, excess, and things we don’t really need. We think of gold-plated steaks or buying a third winter coat when we live in Florida.
Society has tricked us into categorizing our basic mental and physical needs as “treats.” We treat sleep like a luxury item. We treat saying “no” to an extra shift like a moral failing. When Lorde contrasts self-care with self-indulgence, she is dismantling the idea that looking after your own well-being is a selfish act.
If you are constantly running on fumes, you aren’t being a hero; you’re being a hazard. You cannot be a good parent, employee, partner, or friend if you are a hollow shell of a human being held together by dry shampoo and anxiety.
Rest and Recharge
To stop viewing rest as indulgence, you need to create an environment that forces your body to power down. One of the best ways to physically signal to your nervous system that the “work day” is over is by engaging your sense of touch and comfort.
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Decoding “Self-Preservation”
Now for the heavy hitter: Self-Preservation.
When Audre Lorde wrote this in her 1988 essay collection A Burst of Light, she wasn’t talking about “Self-Care Sunday” face masks. She was a Black, lesbian, feminist poet fighting cancer and battling systemic oppression. For her, staying alive and keeping her spirit intact was an act of political warfare.
While your battles might look different, the principle remains the same. The world will take from you until there is nothing left. It will ask for your time, your energy, your sanity, and your patience until you are dry.
Self-preservation is the act of building a fortress around your energy. It is recognizing that you are a finite resource. If you do not preserve yourself, you will go extinct. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor; it is a system failure.
Preserving Your Mental Space
Part of preservation is getting the chaos out of your head so it doesn’t rot there. You need a place to dump your thoughts, your rage, and your gratitude so you can actually sleep at night.
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Journaling is cheaper than therapy and you don’t have to worry about the journal judging you. Use this to track your moods, vent your frustrations, or simply plan your boundaries for the week.
Reframing Self-Care: It’s Not Just Bubble Baths
If we accept that self-care is self-preservation, then our definition of self-care has to change. It’s not just about “pampering.”
Sometimes self-care is boring.
Sometimes self-care is ugly.
True self-preservation looks like:
- Finally making that dentist appointment you’ve been dreading.
- Blocking a toxic family member on social media.
- Going to bed at 9:00 PM instead of doom-scrolling until midnight.
- Drinking water instead of a third iced coffee.
It is about doing the things that ensure your future self is healthy, happy, and capable of handling life. It is the maintenance required to keep the machine running. You wouldn’t drive your car for 100,000 miles without an oil change and call it “indulgent” to take it to the mechanic, would you?
How to Practice Radical Self-Preservation
So, how do you move from feeling guilty to feeling empowered? You have to set boundaries like your life depends on them—because your quality of life actually does.
- The Power of “No”: “No” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to offer an excuse. “I can’t do that” is sufficient.
- Schedule Your Rest: If you don’t schedule it, you won’t do it. Put “Do Nothing” on your calendar in permanent marker.
- Curate Your Environment: Your home should be a sanctuary, not a second office.
To help turn your home into a place of preservation rather than stress, consider the atmosphere. Our brains are highly reactive to smell and lighting. If your house smells like old laundry and stress, you’ll feel like old laundry and stress.
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Change the vibe instantly. Lavender for sleep, peppermint for focus, or eucalyptus to feel like you’re in a spa even if you’re just folding socks. It’s a small tweak that yields high returns for your mental state.
Conclusion
Audre Lorde was right. Caring for yourself isn’t a sneak attack on your productivity, and it certainly isn’t a sin. It is the fundamental requirement for existing in a chaotic world.
The next time you feel that twinge of guilt for taking a nap, cancelling plans, or buying the good shampoo, remember: You aren’t indulging. You are preserving. You are engaging in the radical act of keeping yourself alive and well.
Now, go drink some water and sit down for five minutes. That’s an order.
Affiliate Disclosure:
This article contains affiliate links. If you purchase products through these links, we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. We only recommend products we believe will genuinely help you on your journey of self-preservation.
